The Association for the Betterment of Sex (ABS) presents Sex: Our Bodies, Our Junk, a radical and invaluable resource for improving your sexual communication—whether you have been in a committed relationship for years, or have just moments ago removed the shrinkwrap from your new Japanese body pillow.

Here are just a few sensual revelations you’ll find, from our tireless hours of thorough and 100% hygienically sound research:

The precise location of the female G-spot(latitude and longitude)

“Going on tour with Midnight Oil” and more outmoded masturbation slang

Forced perspective and other techniques for visually enhancing the size of your member

The Top Five pastry-related euphemisms for female genitalia

How to score big at your next swingers’ party, with our crowd-pleasing ambrosia-salad recipe

Listings of “Don’t ask, Don’t tell” dry-cleaning services, for freshening up your vinyl fetishwear or adult-sized Tigger costume

Your first threesome, and how the ancient Mayans predicted it wouldn’t go over so hot

Exhaustively researched and fully illustrated, Sex: Our Bodies, Our Junk is a must-read for you, your sexual partner(s), and anyone who wishes there was more to sex than thrashing around for a few seconds and begging for forgiveness.